Sixteen years ago I took my first ministry position, leading worship. I was newly married, no kids, no hobbies, and I believed the church deserved every ounce of me — and every ounce of everyone around me. This is what sixteen years taught me instead.
1. It's not about you. Ministry is attention turned outward, toward the needs of others. The moment your own significance becomes the project, you've left ministry for a different career.
2. Avoid notoriety. As a teenager I wanted to be Chris Tomlin, leading worship in arenas for thousands. Now I tell every couple I marry: my goal is to not be remembered. If people leave your wedding talking about the clergy, something went wrong. Pastors should be sherpas, not celebrities.
3. Take care of yourself. It's shocking how fast prayer, Bible reading, exercise, and sleep fall away under deadlines, meetings, and people who are upset with you. You need the inner strength to say no to the upset person and yes to your own spiritual, physical, and emotional health.
4. Get comfortable with uncomfortable emotions. Yours and theirs. Feeling sad, angry, or frustrated is not a sign you're a bad leader or that God has abandoned you. And when the people you care for are hurting, you won't fix them. Be present, and offer whatever support they're open to.
5. Excellence is overrated. I have yelled at exactly one volunteer in my career, armed with "I will not sacrifice that which costs me nothing." I was wrong. Artistry, experimentation, creativity, and innovation will necessarily produce things that aren't excellent. They also produce things that are more human, more real, more authentic, more relatable.
6. Consistency beats perfection. The secret to greatness is being good consistently. Show up. Find what's sustainable. Repeat.
7. Health over growth. Healthy things grow — but so do tumors. Health needs its own rubrics, and sometimes health looks like shrinking, like pruning.
8. No is as important as yes. You have to say a thousand No's to say one Yes. That means letting go of services, programs, and sometimes people.
9. People are tired. Even people who love Jesus and like church are tired. Every new thing on the calendar feels like an obligation. Don't assume anyone is as excited as you are about the thing you created.
10. There's so much pain. In any given room: miscarriage, spiritual abuse, divorce, death, illness. Preach like that's true, because it is.
11. Everyone is on a journey. The newly deconstructing — hurt and angry — sit next to people decades into faith who want to go deeper. Care for both, rush no one, play no favorites.
12. Default to generosity. Get the appetizer. If you assign a book, buy the book. Feed your volunteers better than cheap pizza. Don't be a cheapskate.
13. People first. Institutions are imaginary; people are real. If you want a healthy institution, make decisions that benefit people. Never protect an institution at the expense of people — no NDAs, no gag orders when leaders are accused.
14. Worship is formational. In year one I believed worship existed only to glorify God — that it didn't change us. It does. Worship forms the people offering it.
15. Your capacity isn't their capacity. Newly married, childless, hobby-less me poured everything into the church and expected volunteers to match it. They had lives. Thank God.
16. The last shall be first. Center the margins. When you have to make a decision and you're in doubt, choose the option that benefits the least powerful, the most vulnerable, the most marginalized.
