Devotional
Let's talk sexual ethics!
First we need to remember that the Bible, including Paul, has an incredibly high view of human beings. Both sexes represent the image of God (Genesis 1). Humans have been created a little lower than the angels, crowned with glory and honor (Psalm 8; Hebrews 2). We have been granted co-regency with God (Genesis 1-2).
Jewish and Gentile first century ethics saw women as property and men could claim all rights on their property. However, in New Testament ethics, there is no hierarchy of gender. All are one in Christ (Galatians 3:28). Neither spouse has unique authority in a marriage (1 Corinthians 7:3-5), particularly over each other's bodies. All Christians are called to follow the example of Christ and practice mutual submission towards each other, regardless of sex, age, and social standing (Ephesians 5; 1 Peter 3).
With this radical redefinition of ethics and expectation mutual submission that the church offered, this created some confusion in terms of sexual ethics. Was everything allowed now?
Paul, more than once, had to confront that "everything goes" idea. In Corinth, Paul had to correct a case of incest. But then, a chapter latter, he has to correct a philosophy of strict celibacy (that was leading to sexual activity slipping out in other ways). People, clearly, were confused about what the rules were now.
A couple of things to keep in mind. One, the New Testament is not a systematic set of rules and regulations. They are situational, contextual documents (biographies, letters, sermons, and one dystopian novella) each attempting to answer specific questions. Paul did not sit down to write down every case that divorce was allowed or not. So don't expect to find a list like that.
Two, Jesus and Paul, in particular, seemed to be wary of "regulations" (specific rules for specific situations; think OSHA) and taught more on values and principles that lead to wisdom on how to act in the near-infinite situations that could arise. For instance, in the case of a Christian spouse being married to a non-Christian spouse, Paul's value is "God has called us to live in peace." That guides his directions on what to do in that circumstance.
Here in 1 Thessalonians 4, we get another glimpse of one of Paul's ethical principles: "In this matter no one should wrong (literally, 'step upon') or take advantage of a brother or sister." Paul's sexual ethic is not based on self ("Do what makes you happy"), but rather on loving your neighbor as yourself. Don't step upon someone else. Don't take advantage of them.
Now, one could argue that this merely points towards a sexual ethic of "consent." And, at the bare minimum, I think that's true. Sexual ethics without an ethic of consent leads to rape culture. But I also believe that consent is a starting point, not the endgame. Consent all by itself can still lead to being taken advantage of (ever click "Agree" on a user agreement with Facebook or Twitter?).
From Paul's perspective (as well as Jesus'), a sexual ethic that truly seeks to "do no wrong" and does not take advantage of anyone requires something more. The biblical word for this is "covenant." This is what Paul is pointing towards when he says, "God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life." Holiness and Covenant are like the double-helix strands of DNA that run through Scripture. Holiness is never an individualistic endeavor. Holiness can only ever be achieved by being in covenantal relationship with God and His people.
This devotional has already gone on too long, so I'll conclude with this. Ethics, for Paul, are never about white-knuckling your way into being good. Paul writes that God gives us the Holy Spirit. There is a synergistic partnership with God that is occurring within us, shaping us to become more God-like people. We should find that encouraging that the God-within-us is helping us to better the love the God-within the people around us.
Pray
Spirit of God,
Empower me to love your children well.
To not step upon them,
or to take advantage of them,
but, rather, to love them, as Christ loves them,
giving Himself for them out of love.
Amen.