Preached · August 30, 2015
Text · Philemon
INTRODUCTION
Over the past month we have been studying the letter of Philemon. Philemon was a personal letter penned by the Apostle Paul to his friend and co-worker Philemon concerning a man named [[Onesimus]]. Philemon was a leader in the church in Colossae. Philemon owned a slave named Onesimus. Onesimus ran away. Somewhere along his journeys, he met Paul who was in prison, probably in Rome. Onesimus hung out with Paul and ends up becoming a follower of Jesus.
So Paul finds himself in this truly tricky situation. On the one hand, here is Onesimus. A run-away slave who comes to Paul, befriends him, and because of that friendship ends up a Christian, and Onesimus becomes a close, close friend and co-worker alongside Paul. On the other hand, Paul has his close friend Philemon, who he calls a dear friend, a comrade-in-arms, a trusted compatriot. And Philemon has been, according to laws of his day, wronged. Remember that slavery was legal and Christianity had not yet made any sort of pronouncement against it. So when Onesimus had run away, Philemon now had every right to punish or kill this slave of his.
So here is Paul, stuck in the middle. And what he does is writes this masterful letter in order to bring reconciliation between Onesimus---the runaway slave turned believer---and Philemon---the slaveholder and church leader.
Just that summary right there should be enough to make some of the petty reasons that we make up to fight with each other seem absolutely small and childish. At least in Paul's mind the church was the place where runaway slaves and slave owners could be brothers and sisters and co-workers for the name of Christ.
But for Paul, the church was also the place where people grew and were challenged and were forced to confront their presuppositions and their beliefs and change their mind about them.
So, this morning, really briefly, I want to go in a slightly different direction that we have been doing with Philemon. I want us to look at Philemon as a model of dialogue and discourse about difficult subjects. Because this world, as we know, is filled with really hard subjects. The legality of same-sex marriage; what is America's role in helping the world pursue peace; how do I handle my son or daughter who is living in ways I don't agree with; what is the relationship between guns and violence; what is the relationship between race and police violence; my spouse is angry with me; should I vaccinate; should I drink raw milk; should I drink Spark or avoid GMOs or boycott companies that support LGBT rights or boycott companies the hire children for pennies?
With all of this issues and topics floating around, as Christians, I believed we are called to be the shining examples of how to do dialogue and discussion right.
So . . .
PHILEMON AS A MODEL OF DIALOGUE AND DISCOURSE
or
6 BREATHTAKING WAYS
TO NOT BE A JERK ON FACEBOOK
you won't believe number 4!
Right? Right?! Okay, first question, by show of hands, how many of you have ever seen something online (Facebook, Twitter, your mom's email forwards) that has offended you? Okay, good. Now, how many of you have ever tried to change someone's mind online? And in the words of Dr. Phil, how's that working out for you?
Changing people's minds is hard work! There was a study done in which a group was attempting to change people's minds about vaccination. I won't say change their mind which way, because that's not what this sermon is about, but they were changing people's minds. So they tried to do so in 4 different ways: just bare facts; a scientific presentation; stories and images about children; and finally longer, conversation-length narratives. Can you guess which one worked best?
None of them.
And this is intuitive, right? Think about the last time that you had your mind changed about something, or managed to change someone else's mind? It's pretty rare. There's lots of reasons for this. One, the brain loves certainty. And changing our minds about things means we're admitting uncertainty. And uncertainty about one thing could mean uncertainty about a thousand other things. And uncertainty brings stress. And your brain HATES stress. So it sticks with certainty.
Two, we have cognitive biases that protect us from uncertainty. The most powerful of these biases is confirmation bias. We accept facts that confirm what we already believe, and we treat with suspicion and disbelieve facts that disprove what we already believe. And this happens automatically, subconsciously.
One really dumb example of this happened just this week. I was convinced that Emily and I were hosting only one set of guests this week, when in fact it was 2 sets. So no matter what Emily said---that she was excited to be hosting multiple times, that we had to adjust our meal planning because of guests---no matter what she said, I put through the filter, "We're hosting once." I never heard anything else to the contrary.
Confirmation bias is when we watch one cable news station, it makes it upset; and when we listen to other, it pleases us---because it reinforces our worldview, of what we think about certain subjects already.
So, anyway, changing people's minds is hard. This is what Paul is up against when he writes to Philemon in order to convince him to not punish his runaway slave, to accept him back into his home and his church, and to treat him like an equal, a brother, a co-worker in Christ. So how does Paul manage this? Six ways. Let's dive in.
1\. The best context is relationship.
Verse 1: "To Philemon our dear friend and fellow worker."
Paul understood that if you were going to attempt to engage in conversation with someone about a difficult subject, the best place to start is by talking with someone you actually know.
Sometimes this is difficult advise to take. How many of you have ever argued with a stranger, either in line at a store, on the phone with customer service, or online? And how does that work out for you?
XKCD comic. https://xkcd.com/386/
When we try to change the minds of strangers, our inhibitions tend to go down. We become more likely to dig in our heals.
But when we start on the foundation of relationship, we're more likely to understand each other in complex ways. When I argue with a stranger, I will imagine them as simply as possible. "They're just a racist. They're just a liberal. They're just a poor person."
But when I have the foundation of relationship, I understand the complexly. They're not just anything. They're also a parent. Or also an abuse victim. Or also a cancer survivor. Or also just having a bad day.
Life is people. And we owe it to people to get to know their stories, they're backgrounds, they're narratives.
In terms of Facebook, let's stop arguing with strangers or acquaintances or people we don't really know all that well. It's not worth it.
I relinquish my responsibility to change the minds of strangers.
2\. The best posture is respect.
4 I always thank my God as I remember you in my prayers, 5 because I hear about your love for all his holy people and your faith in the Lord Jesus. 6 I pray that your partnership with us in the faith may be effective in deepening your understanding of every good thing we share for the sake of Christ.
Related to relationship is a posture of respect. Even with people we know and know well, at times we can stop respecting them, maybe because we know them too well. Like your parents or your siblings or that crazy uncle. But here Paul assumes the best out of Philemon. He prays for Philemon, he's thankful for him. For Paul, Philemon is more than just a project or a case or a problem. He's a human being whom he has respect for, who gives Paul joy and encouragement.
As soon as the people we're talking to---or about!---become less than human in our eyes, we should probably stop talking.
One quick aside---let's talk about Political Correctness for just a second. There has been a lot of complaining recently about Political Correctness, as well as applause for people who have supposedly cast Political Correctness to the wind and said whatever it is they want to say.
I have to be honest and say, I don't quite get where this complaining is coming from, at least when it comes from Christians. At the risk of sounding patronizing, I think it's important that we all are reminded of something:
It does not reflect the character of Christ to knowingly offend people who are different than us with our words or symbols or actions, especially if we know better.
Now, people who are against being PC argue, "Yeah, but the problem is that they shouldn't have been offended in the first place."
But here is the great gift and joy of following the way of Jesus: we're supposed to love our neighbor as we love ourselves. Treat people with the same deference and respect that you would want to be treated.
The entire point of respect is not trying to change or ignore what someone else finds offensive. It's lovingly discovering what it is offensive to them---and then not doing that thing!
The words of Paul in [[Philippians 2]]: Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, 4 not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.
Romans 12:10. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.
Galatians 5:26. Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Ephesians 5:21. Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Colossians 3:12
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
1 Peter 3:8
Finally, all of you, be like-minded, be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble.
So, I guess for me the bare minimum of being a decent human being is not purposefully offending someone. But I think what Jesus calls us to is more than that. It's actively discovering what offends someone---by getting to know them, by hearing their stories, by being empathetic and actively fighting against ignorance and prejudice---and then not doing those offensive things and calling others to do the same.
3\. The best attitude is humility.
8 Therefore, although in Christ I could be bold and order you to do what you ought to do, 9 yet I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love. It is as none other than Paul---an old man and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus--- 10 that I appeal to you for my son Onesimus,
Paul has a lot of reasons to boast. He brought the message of the Gospel to those who would plant the church in Colossae. He's a recognized Apostle of the early church, a leader among leaders. Paul, by any measure, has the right to just demand obedience from Philemon.
And, oftentimes, we can have those same abilities and rights. As leaders in our homes, our workplaces, in our spheres of influences, perhaps we could just say, "This is the way its gonna be. Because I said so. So there." But not Paul. "I prefer to appeal to you on the basis of love."
We've talked about this before. The most transformative power in the world is love. Anger, shaming, rejecting---these will rarely, if ever, actually create actual change in people. But acceptance, forgiveness, humility---that just might do it.
4\. The best action is sacrifice and generosity.
12 I am sending him---who is my very heart---back to you. 13 I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. 14 But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary . . . 17 So if you consider me a partner, welcome him as you would welcome me. 18 If he has done you any wrong or owes you anything, charge it to me. 19 I, Paul, am writing this with my own hand. I will pay it back
Of course, it's one thing to talk to talk. But Paul is walking the walk. He's not not-shaming Philemon into anything, in fact, he's doing right by Philemon by sending Onesimus back. He was a great help to Paul and Paul calls him "my very heart." But Paul sends him back to Philemon.
And Onesimus, who broke the law by running away, who it sounds like stole from his master---Paul is going to take on his debt.
What does this look like for us today? Well, I think it means not only treating kindly those we might disagree with or those who are marginalized, but in fact caring for them in a way that some might consider scandalous. Onesimus stole from his master. He broke the law. Paul's response--- It wasn't, Send him to the justice system. It wasn't leave it for Philemon to decide. It wasn't "Onesimus shouldn't have acted that way in the first place." It wasn't "What violence brings on Philemon is legal, so it's okay. Oneisimus brought this on himself." No. Paul said, I will take his debt. Paul stood with the marginalized, he assumed the best out of the oppressed.
5\. The best gesture is trust.
21 Confident of your obedience, I write to you, knowing that you will do even more than I ask.
This trust, however, did not only go towards the oppressed. It also went to the oppressor. Paul did not assume the worst out of Philemon, but rather Philemon's best and even more than that.
Trust and Suspicion are two powerful attitudes. One empowers, one strips of power. One emboldens; the other weakens.
Often times in our relationships, there is a gap between what we expect from people and what actually happens. And we get to chose what we're going to put into that gap. Will we be suspicious of that gap, filling in details with all the reasons of why someone failed us---they don't like us, they wanted to hurt us, they purposely are sabotaging us. Or we can decide to trust, to believe that that the reason they disappoint us isn't for some nefarious reason. If the person ahead of us in the checkout line is going slow, isn't organized, they've never used a credit-card machine before, I'm suspicious of them, that they're somehow dumb, that they're intentionally trying to slow my day down. But if I go slow in the checkout line, it's because I have a lot on our mind, it's because I am trying to stay organized, it's because that text message I'm checking is actually pretty crucial.
Afford the same benefit of the doubt to other people that you would give to yourself.
Finally,
6\. The best conclusion is relationship.
22 And one thing more: Prepare a guest room for me, because I hope to be restored to you in answer to your prayers.
This is the beautiful end of Philemon. Despite the fact that Paul is asking that Philemon treat his former slave as, well a FORMER slave, as a brother in Christ, to forgive his debts, to treat this former slave as an equal, Paul has the audacity of hope to say, "Oh, and can I stay at your place when I get out of prison."
Philemon, this excellent example of dialogue and conversation in the midst of difficult topics, ends the way it begins, with relationship. Paul doesn't see this conversation as a way to kill relationship. He sees it as a way to continue it. He assumes that friendship will continue.
Now perhaps you see that as foolhardy, as presumptuous. But Paul doesn't see this conversation as a showstopper.
Again, when we make issues a line-in-the-sand, then we will absolutely lose relationship, and that means we will lose any chance of making any difference in people's lives.
