Getting Catfished by Jesus People
I'm experimenting with a different newsletter format this week. I've got a brief essay, some links I enjoyed, and a closing prayer. Let me know what you think by emailing back or leaving a comment.
In This Edition:
- Liberal denominations aren't that liberal
- Getting closer to singularity with 30 Rock
- Less "la la las" than Gilmore Girls, but still good
- Hooray for pills
- A prayer for exhaustion
Finding Your People: Why Denominations Don't Tell the Whole Story
Just last week, someone new walked into The Table Church with a mixture of relief and exhaustion. They'd been attending a local congregation for three months—a church with a lovely website featuring smiling families and warm lighting, complete with a vague "all are welcome" tagline. But, three months in, it was time for the annual sermon about "biblical marriage." You can guess what it was about—marriage between one man and one woman.
This story isn't unique. I hear variations of it constantly. People spend weeks or months building community, only to discover the hard way that their new church home doesn't actually welcome all of who they are.
The Mainline Mirage
Here's where things get interesting. Many progressive folks know to avoid the white evangelical churches—the Southern Baptists, the Assembly of God congregations—because everyone knows they're the cradle of the MAGA movement. But the default advice to try instead? "Try a mainline church! The Methodists! The Lutherans! They're progressive!"
And technically, that might be true at the denominational-leader level. But here's the uncomfortable reality that Ryan Burge's recent data makes crystal clear: you cannot assume that just because it's a Methodist church, everyone in the pews feels the same way as the denominational leadership.
The numbers on voting are startling.
- In 2024, 58% of mainline Protestants voted for Trump—up from 54% in 2016 and 2020.
- The majority of United Methodists voted for Trump.
- So did the majority of Evangelical Lutherans.
- And Presbyterian Church USA members.
- The only major mainline denomination that clearly leans Democratic? The Episcopal Church—and they only make up about 450,000 Sunday attendees in the entire country.
The Real Picture of Mainline America
As Burge says, when we talk about mainline Protestants, we're not talking about thirty-something pastors in rainbow stoles preaching about the non-binary nature of the Holy Spirit 👋🏻. We're talking about retired school teachers in small Midwestern towns where the average church member is pushing 60 years old.
These churches span America from urban to rural, and values and beliefs change incredibly slowly. Burge's analysis shows that on human-dignity issues like transgender rights, parental consent for pronoun changes, and restrictions on gender transition for minors, mainline Protestants align much closer to evangelicals than to their liberal neighbors:
- 62% support banning gender transition for minors (compared to 78% of evangelicals)
- 66% want parental consent before pronoun changes at school (evangelicals: 84%)
The Assumption Game
People will spend hours researching the perfect restaurant but walk into a church based on a vague website and assume everyone thinks like they do. If a church's beliefs page sounds like it was written by a committee of diplomats trying to offend absolutely no one, that's your first red flag.
You can't assume that "all are welcome" means "all are affirmed." You can't assume that because John Wesley was cool with women preaching that your local Methodist church will have a female senior pastor. And you definitely can't assume that just because a denomination has LGBTQ+ policies at the top, the congregation you're considering actually embraces them.
The Hospitality of Clarity
This is why at The Table Church, every single service includes with an affirmation of what we believe. Not because we love reading corporate mission statements, but because it's an act of hospitality. We tell people up front: we're fully LGBTQ+ affirming, we believe Black lives matter, we think women can lead anything, and we're trying to follow Jesus without the baggage of white Christian nationalism.
Yes, it's a bit much for a first visit. But you know what's more "a bit much"? Spending three months building relationships only to discover your new church family thinks your actual family is an abomination.
What This Means for Church Hunting
If you're looking for a church that aligns with your values, here's my advice: stop playing the denomination guessing game. Instead, look for churches that are specific about their beliefs. If a church truly welcomes everyone, they won't hedge when talking about it. They'll use actual words like "LGBTQ+ affirming" or "anti-racist" or "immigrant-supporting."
Be wary of churches that rely on coded language or refuse to take clear stances on issues that matter to you. Their silence is usually an answer in itself.
The mainline churches aren't inherently liberal, and they're not inherently conservative. They're human institutions filled with real people navigating change at the speed of glaciers. Some are doing the hard work of inclusion and justice; others are holding tight to the status quo while merely using friendlier language.
Your job isn't to fix them. Your job is to find the ones who are already doing the work—and who aren't afraid to tell you about it on their website, in their sermons, and yes, even in those slightly awkward opening announcements every Sunday.
Because here's the thing: faith communities should be places of honesty, not hide-and-seek. And if they can't be clear about who's welcome, then they're probably not as welcoming as they claim to be.
Haha
A Quote
"Liberation can’t ever come at the pace of white comfort." —Robert Monson
Currently Consuming
TV
- Étoile, season 1. Amy Sherman-Palladino wit and dialogue meets the world of ballet (again). For someone like me who knows nothing about dance, it's funny and fascinating.
- Andor, season 2, probably the best Star Wars ever made.
Movies
- Conclave, natch. Worth it just for this sermon.
Books
- The Small and the Mighty by Sharon McMahon (in progress)
- The Wisteria Society of Lady Scoundrels by India Holton (4/7). Really funny romp about women pirates who fly houses in Victorian England.
- Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents (6/7). Helpful for nearly everyone; offers so many helpful language tools for navigating your family of origin.
Link Love
You can try 12ft.io if you run into a paywall:
27 out of 34 Christian traditions surveyed became more conservative, judging by changes in congregants’ party affiliations...although 42 percent of very liberal survey respondents identified as nonreligious in 2008, by 2024 the number had skyrocketed to 62 percent, meaning that progressives have left religion in droves...Everything else being equal, the more religious the individual in the U.S. today, the higher the probability that the individual identifies with or leans toward the Republican party.
I was extremely averse to the idea of taking medication for depression and anxiety. I didn’t want to turn into a lobotomized zombie, smiling like a 1950s housewife, cut off from the ticking core of what made me human. I was a writer! I was developing a COMEDY voice! What if the pills dulled my senses, took away my creativity? I’d rather live in pain than live without feeling anything. Besides, I insisted, this entire “episode” was situational. People survive heartbreak! People get bad medical diagnoses every day! I can muddle my way through without resorting to some kind of _brain poison_, I insisted.
Closing Prayer
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
as my steps become labored and my eyes fall to gravity.
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
as Standing too long had become for me a form of torture.
Lead me to places of rest
whether couches or beds or a nice plush patches of grass.
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
as my words make little sense,
and my brain feels like mush,
and I trip over my own feet.
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
when work appears too great
and the temptation to work longer lurks beneath my to-do list.
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
when sleep seems like a privilege
and when given the opportunity,
I am just too tired to drift to sleep.
Deliver me from exhaustion, Holy One
as Sabbath was created for us, and without it, we are arid beings.
Amen.
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